Then on the shore,
Of the wide world I stand alone and think,
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink - John Keats
Hearing the news of your departure from this orbit, I remembered the above words. For an ordinary person like me your passing away should not have stirred the emotions that I ever thought I was capable of. I have, in my life time, heard deaths of so many celebrities that I had felt a momentary sorrow for them but I was surprised at myself that my feelings were so intense and so profound on hearing about yours. May be this had something to do with your recent ad. where you endorsed Havells fans. My sister asked me (immediately after seeing the ad) what I thought about it and I said the ad. was pathetic. I found the whole ad. full of yourself and the tilting of your head showed that you still were in your own world. What was more heart rending was your silent screams craving for your fans' attention.
I felt it would be better for me if I expressed my emotions in writing and this is the reason I am writing about you. It is beyond doubt that you were an extraordinary actor with immense skills and no body so far has matched in giving continuous hits for years together. It is an indisputable fact that you were the King of Indian cinemas. You had enormous impact on your fans and your style of delivering dialogues was very unique. Coming from you, simple sentences became one liners that brought glory to the dialogue writers. When you sang "Zindagi" in the movie "Anand" even the sand grains on the beach must have thought how lucky they were to be under your feet and the sea shells must have vied with one another to be tread upon by you.
Never before, in the history of Indian cinema did one witness such a fan following and may be this was when you started your romance with your own self which lasted till your end. May be it was impossible for any person to handle such unprecedented adulation; never heard of before in such mammoth proportions. May be you fought against it initially, but later you succumbed to it. Before you even realized it, it had engulfed you completely and finally it became your tragedy.
You had all those elements in your character which would bring about one's downfall. I can not but compare you to Julius Caesar for his refusal to see the danger ahead and you remind me of Napoleon's famous words "France has more need of me than I have of France". Perhaps your personality started showing these elements.This could have been the beginning of your downward journey
Here one can not but draw a study of contrast between you and another star who was your contemporary and a rival. Both of you had superb acting talent, both of you got married around the same time but the comparison ends there. While you approached your work with your heart, he did it with his cerebrum. While you thought you came before the craft he understood the importance of it and that helped him in making a place for himself in the history of Indian cinema. His understanding of the priorities, his so called modesty, his adjustment to the passing times are all a lesson to the aspiring actors. I would like to call him a "guide book"
Your portrait on the canvas has a spectrum of colours- each colour representing those elements in your character which are : your arrogance, your insolence, your unacceptableness, your obstinacy, your distress, your solitude, your emotional longing and above all your HONESTY.
The great Raj Kapoor was once asked what was his most favourite film and pat came the reply "Mera Naam Joker". He went on to say "all my films are my children. But when you have a handicapped child among them you tend to love that child more. Similarly, all my films are my favourites but this film perhaps is lacking in something. That is the reason I like it more than the rest."
I can easily connect these lines of Raj Kapoor's to your personality and say that what ever you were ,you are ours and we love you more for that.
Find your peace, Mr. Khanna, for you have carved a place in the galaxy.
