Loneliness and Old age


Antony Chekov's short story "Misery" brings forth the importance of listening. The story goes like this: Iona Potapov, the protagonist of this story ,is a father who loses his son to a cruel disease and he yearns to tell his feelings, pains, emotions, anguish, distress to any body who would listen to him.  His pain grows when he sees there is not a single person in the whole village who is ready to share  his sorrow, his affliction in losing his boy.. Finally he goes to his stable and tells a horse his story, how his son suffered on  the journey towards death. He bares his heart to the horse and  that makes him feel better. What does the story tell us?  It is this. Listening is very vital in our life.The person who listens not only gives moral strength to the speaker but his own life is enriched. The mere presence of his, gives solace to the one who bereaves ; the silence says it all. Non-verbal empathy is more important than sympathy in certain circumstances. Silence speaks volumes. We see in our everyday life how patients, particularly, the old, desolate, uncaring ones long  for some physical presence . Yearning to be taken care of, to be heard, to be included , comes from loneliness.

So, old age and loneliness - are they co-related?  Yes, to a large extent. Absence of work, feeling of abandonment, perceived social isolation, loss of mobility, age related disease - all these give rise to negative feelings . Advancing age predisposes people to those experiences which can lead to isolation, bereavement, relocation and retirement. What is striking though, both isolation and loneliness are most common among  women than in men due to the fact that women are more likely to be widowed and living alone. Living alone has been equated with social isolation but not all those living alone are isolated.  In the present social structure living alone has become a choice rather than an imposition.  Almost everyone is well prepared financially so that he/she doesn't have to depend on his/her near and dear ones in old age for their physical needs.

But, is financial independence a replacement for mental loneliness?  In old age people need somebody  to share their thoughts, their experiences, their wisdom and when this does not happen, loneliness torments them.  We find, with each passing year, the mushrooming of old age homes. There are all kinds of such homes starting from providing basic needs to royal luxury and one has the choice of picking according to one's own affordability.  In these old age homes you are given all physical facilities; good food, 24 hour  vigilance, in-house doctors, and for your intellectual needs - various religious discourses, direct involvement in intellectual debates and musical concerts and so on and so forth. But do these facilities stop one from feeling lonely? No. Why is it so? The reason for this may be the absence of a confiding relationship. Loneliness is related inversely to frequency of contact with children and friends but not neighbours. 

What I think is, we should, from an early age, cultivate the habit of satisfaction and curb the desire of expectation. We should also learn to change ourselves according to the needs of time and not expect others to change for us. Let us return  to the habit of  reading books, writing  and be of small help to our neighbours; particularly if the neighbours are young ones, where both husband and wife go to work.  In times of emergency we can drop their children to the bus stop, bring them home which will be appreciated earnestly by the young parents; in turn this will give us immense satisfaction. Not only the isolation from the neighbours does not do good; it may also prove disadvantageous. The greatest thing about the relationship with one's neighbour is there is no emotional attachment which in turn gives rise to freedom and space. Well, in every relationship there is an invisible line which if crossed brings only grievance and sudden end. As long as there is mutual respect, the relationship with neighbours can soar sky high.

So? Old age is not a difficult phase, neither it is necessarily characterized by loneliness and isolation. Evening is an essential part of the day; so also is old age a part of a man's life.  Nobody grows old by living a number of  years- "we become old by deserting our goals".

                                      Said the little boy, "sometimes I drop my spoon."

                                      Said the old man, "I do that too."

                                       The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."

                                       "I do that too", laughed the little old man,

                                       Said the little boy, "I often cry."

                                       The old man nodded, "so do I."

                                       "But worst of all" said the boy, "it seems

                                        Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."

                                        And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

                                       "I know what you mean", said the little old man.

   

        

                                                                                   -Shel Silverstein